I just realized how long it has been since we talked, sorry about that, we have been busy in my house.
I am not even sure where I am desiring to go with this post...should this be a call to action for others, am I trying to get you all involved in something larger than us, do I want you all just to hear my heart and what has been going on in our lives, or do I just need to vent. This post may turn into several as I begin writing and see what words are hitting the "paper".
Let's start at the beginning We have become involved in the foster care process. Over the course of the past 3 months we have had 5 different boys in our home ranging in age from hours old to three years. Most of those boys were only with us for short periods of time, however, currently we have a boy that has been with us from birth and will be with us for the foreseeable future. This has been a huge adjustment me for me...my youngest turned 14 in February and to start over with a baby has been fun, challenging, joyful, and heart wrenching all at the same time. It is not an easy walk, but I am fully convinced that this is what James was talking about - when he said to "be doers" of the Word and that religion that takes care of orphans and widows is what the Lord desires. This becomes tangible in very real ways...changing diapers, or getting spit-up on (which by the way this little guy really likes to do to me when I get home from work). You forget how helpless and dependent one so small is after 14 years. It has been a very fulfilling experience.
But it is hard to guard our hearts...if that is possible at all? We would desire to provide this little guy with a loving permanent home. He is bonded to us, if I call home to talk with Renee and she puts the phone by the baby, he hears my voice and starts to coo back at me. We love him as if he were ours because he is... and yet he is not. We are in this odd state of limbo. We know what we desire, we think that would be the best option for this boy. We think most people who would here the details of how he came to be with us would agree...however; add laws, DHHS, visitations, lawyers, bio-parents, and all of the other circumstances into the mix and everything becomes cloudy.
We know God knows the outcome, we know that He is in control, and He can over rule all of those other things that muddy up the water. It is just this process is so taxing. There are visits and a constant parade of people in and out of our home; trying to keep up with the home and extra emotional baggage from the situation is completely draining and taking care of a baby on top of all that too... Like the parents of any other newborn, we just want to adjust and settle into a good family routine; however, our routine is dictated by all of the outside factors.
This could just all be amplified right now, louder than usual and harder to deal with, as the baby had visits over the weekend to make up for lost time due to weather conditions...meaning the the rhythm we have been establish on the weekends when we don't have to worry about visits, workers, etc... was taken away this past weekend.
Please be praying for us!
