I am not a big fan of "New Year's Resolutions", half-hearted attempts to make changes in one's life, that has been made several years previously, with little follow through or commitment.
But I am starting to better understand the idea of goal setting. I have had conversations with several people over the last part of 2014 where they, or they and their spouse have gone away together to set goals for the upcoming year. While this practice seems a bit odd, spending a vacation to plan what "success" looks like for the year, instead of spending a vacation relaxing or on a roller-coaster; I think I getting to the point where I see the need to put pen to paper on things I would like to see accomplished this year, however, this is all at the Grace and mercy of God because He will guide and direct my path, I am merely planing my steps.
Goals for 2015
1. Blog... twice a week at least, I will be seeing a lot of you all!
2. Get finances in order...somehow. See posts on My Biggest Failure, tiered of the same old same old.
3. Potty Training for Little Man, this will probably happen later in the year, but it will be nice to be diaper free.
4. Help guide my oldest to a good decision about college, go on a few visits with him. He has it narrowed down, cant believe he is graduating in May.
5. Take a family vacation!!!
6. Celebrate well; Birthdays, Anniversaries, Graduation and find joy in everyday moments.
7. Be a better friend, sometimes I feel quite lonely... I am not sure how great I am at maintaining friendships.
8. Be obedient to God's call in my life.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Snap Back to reality
Long time, no post!
The past 18 months has been a journey for my family and I into the world of foster care and adoption. For many of you who are closest to me you might have seen the on going ups and downs over the course of the year and a half; for those of you who know me in the context of this blog you will note I only posted two short times during the process. It was a journey, one of the hardest things that God has required us to step out in faith with Him. And while I still don't think it would be prudent to share details nor do I feel I have the hindsight to put that journey into its proper perspective: I do have some thoughts that I would like to share.
I have a friend that is currently "in the system" which is lingo for they have stepped to the calling of bringing children into their home. This understood in the context of Christian worldview is one of the most selfless and compassionate acts of love that can be done. At its most beautiful it is the process of reconciliation of a family (whether biological or an adoption). But it is so messy! My friend reminded me of how hard this path is today as we sat and chatted about their case. I was heartbreak and sad on so many levels. The situation of the kiddos was horrifying. My friends doing their best to provide love and support. A biological family that has so many hurts and disadvantages. And a system of government trying their best to operate both within the law and the best interest of the children and how does uncle Sam know what is best anyway. Hear this story today shook me and brought back feelings that were overwhelming during our journey in the system.
I have been praying for them all day and am heartbroken for them.
One insight I would like to share with all of you is our motive and mind/ heart position though out the whole process. One of the things I became increasingly convinced was our attitude should be encapsulated in the thought, how do we love well? It is so easy to love well the little guy who is now a part of our family and it always has been. A little harder, but still easy to love the "workers" on your case; sure sometimes it feels like they are talking out of both sides of their mouths or that they are moving to hastily or not moving quickly enough but deep down you know that they are doing the best they can in a system that is overcrowded and moves slow. But how do love the bio parents well? How do you look at the actions that has led them to this place and have empathy for them. How do you pray for their downfall? Is that really what you praying for when you are asking for when praying for consequences or justice? How about instead, realizing that God love and cherishes them just as much he does us is a good start. How would He treat the, would He count their sins too great or would He take their choices and sins, nail them to the cross with His son? Wouldn't He do the same for mine? Are my sins any greater or less than theirs? Isn't all sin the same? It is gut wrenchingly hard! And their is no clear answer...but we are called to feed, clothe, give food and drink, and visit those who are the "least of these" and I would suggest those "in the system" - everyone in the system (caseworkers, children, bio parents, judges, and even lawyers and foster parents) are the least of these.
Getting invloved does not mean you are going to take children into your home. Like being a missionary, I think it is a specific calling that God puts into your life; however, just as it is the job of the CHURCH (corporate and entire - not specific or individual church) to support the cause of missionaries..it is also the job of the CHURCH to support the people in this field.
The past 18 months has been a journey for my family and I into the world of foster care and adoption. For many of you who are closest to me you might have seen the on going ups and downs over the course of the year and a half; for those of you who know me in the context of this blog you will note I only posted two short times during the process. It was a journey, one of the hardest things that God has required us to step out in faith with Him. And while I still don't think it would be prudent to share details nor do I feel I have the hindsight to put that journey into its proper perspective: I do have some thoughts that I would like to share.
I have a friend that is currently "in the system" which is lingo for they have stepped to the calling of bringing children into their home. This understood in the context of Christian worldview is one of the most selfless and compassionate acts of love that can be done. At its most beautiful it is the process of reconciliation of a family (whether biological or an adoption). But it is so messy! My friend reminded me of how hard this path is today as we sat and chatted about their case. I was heartbreak and sad on so many levels. The situation of the kiddos was horrifying. My friends doing their best to provide love and support. A biological family that has so many hurts and disadvantages. And a system of government trying their best to operate both within the law and the best interest of the children and how does uncle Sam know what is best anyway. Hear this story today shook me and brought back feelings that were overwhelming during our journey in the system.
I have been praying for them all day and am heartbroken for them.
One insight I would like to share with all of you is our motive and mind/ heart position though out the whole process. One of the things I became increasingly convinced was our attitude should be encapsulated in the thought, how do we love well? It is so easy to love well the little guy who is now a part of our family and it always has been. A little harder, but still easy to love the "workers" on your case; sure sometimes it feels like they are talking out of both sides of their mouths or that they are moving to hastily or not moving quickly enough but deep down you know that they are doing the best they can in a system that is overcrowded and moves slow. But how do love the bio parents well? How do you look at the actions that has led them to this place and have empathy for them. How do you pray for their downfall? Is that really what you praying for when you are asking for when praying for consequences or justice? How about instead, realizing that God love and cherishes them just as much he does us is a good start. How would He treat the, would He count their sins too great or would He take their choices and sins, nail them to the cross with His son? Wouldn't He do the same for mine? Are my sins any greater or less than theirs? Isn't all sin the same? It is gut wrenchingly hard! And their is no clear answer...but we are called to feed, clothe, give food and drink, and visit those who are the "least of these" and I would suggest those "in the system" - everyone in the system (caseworkers, children, bio parents, judges, and even lawyers and foster parents) are the least of these.
Getting invloved does not mean you are going to take children into your home. Like being a missionary, I think it is a specific calling that God puts into your life; however, just as it is the job of the CHURCH (corporate and entire - not specific or individual church) to support the cause of missionaries..it is also the job of the CHURCH to support the people in this field.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Habakkuk 1:1-3
Habakkuk 1:1-3
How long, Lord, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
Today, some of my waiting is over! Praise God I am new! I have a relationship with the Lord and He is doing wonderful things in my life! I haven't written for a while, but I had a chance to share a message from my favorite passage this past weekend at a youth event in Weeping Water. As the hymn goes this is my story, this is my song!
Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
How long, Lord, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
Today, some of my waiting is over! Praise God I am new! I have a relationship with the Lord and He is doing wonderful things in my life! I haven't written for a while, but I had a chance to share a message from my favorite passage this past weekend at a youth event in Weeping Water. As the hymn goes this is my story, this is my song!
Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Starting Over - My journey into foster care
I just realized how long it has been since we talked, sorry about that, we have been busy in my house.
I am not even sure where I am desiring to go with this post...should this be a call to action for others, am I trying to get you all involved in something larger than us, do I want you all just to hear my heart and what has been going on in our lives, or do I just need to vent. This post may turn into several as I begin writing and see what words are hitting the "paper".
Let's start at the beginning We have become involved in the foster care process. Over the course of the past 3 months we have had 5 different boys in our home ranging in age from hours old to three years. Most of those boys were only with us for short periods of time, however, currently we have a boy that has been with us from birth and will be with us for the foreseeable future. This has been a huge adjustment me for me...my youngest turned 14 in February and to start over with a baby has been fun, challenging, joyful, and heart wrenching all at the same time. It is not an easy walk, but I am fully convinced that this is what James was talking about - when he said to "be doers" of the Word and that religion that takes care of orphans and widows is what the Lord desires. This becomes tangible in very real ways...changing diapers, or getting spit-up on (which by the way this little guy really likes to do to me when I get home from work). You forget how helpless and dependent one so small is after 14 years. It has been a very fulfilling experience.
But it is hard to guard our hearts...if that is possible at all? We would desire to provide this little guy with a loving permanent home. He is bonded to us, if I call home to talk with Renee and she puts the phone by the baby, he hears my voice and starts to coo back at me. We love him as if he were ours because he is... and yet he is not. We are in this odd state of limbo. We know what we desire, we think that would be the best option for this boy. We think most people who would here the details of how he came to be with us would agree...however; add laws, DHHS, visitations, lawyers, bio-parents, and all of the other circumstances into the mix and everything becomes cloudy.
We know God knows the outcome, we know that He is in control, and He can over rule all of those other things that muddy up the water. It is just this process is so taxing. There are visits and a constant parade of people in and out of our home; trying to keep up with the home and extra emotional baggage from the situation is completely draining and taking care of a baby on top of all that too... Like the parents of any other newborn, we just want to adjust and settle into a good family routine; however, our routine is dictated by all of the outside factors.
This could just all be amplified right now, louder than usual and harder to deal with, as the baby had visits over the weekend to make up for lost time due to weather conditions...meaning the the rhythm we have been establish on the weekends when we don't have to worry about visits, workers, etc... was taken away this past weekend.
Please be praying for us!
I am not even sure where I am desiring to go with this post...should this be a call to action for others, am I trying to get you all involved in something larger than us, do I want you all just to hear my heart and what has been going on in our lives, or do I just need to vent. This post may turn into several as I begin writing and see what words are hitting the "paper".
Let's start at the beginning We have become involved in the foster care process. Over the course of the past 3 months we have had 5 different boys in our home ranging in age from hours old to three years. Most of those boys were only with us for short periods of time, however, currently we have a boy that has been with us from birth and will be with us for the foreseeable future. This has been a huge adjustment me for me...my youngest turned 14 in February and to start over with a baby has been fun, challenging, joyful, and heart wrenching all at the same time. It is not an easy walk, but I am fully convinced that this is what James was talking about - when he said to "be doers" of the Word and that religion that takes care of orphans and widows is what the Lord desires. This becomes tangible in very real ways...changing diapers, or getting spit-up on (which by the way this little guy really likes to do to me when I get home from work). You forget how helpless and dependent one so small is after 14 years. It has been a very fulfilling experience.
But it is hard to guard our hearts...if that is possible at all? We would desire to provide this little guy with a loving permanent home. He is bonded to us, if I call home to talk with Renee and she puts the phone by the baby, he hears my voice and starts to coo back at me. We love him as if he were ours because he is... and yet he is not. We are in this odd state of limbo. We know what we desire, we think that would be the best option for this boy. We think most people who would here the details of how he came to be with us would agree...however; add laws, DHHS, visitations, lawyers, bio-parents, and all of the other circumstances into the mix and everything becomes cloudy.
We know God knows the outcome, we know that He is in control, and He can over rule all of those other things that muddy up the water. It is just this process is so taxing. There are visits and a constant parade of people in and out of our home; trying to keep up with the home and extra emotional baggage from the situation is completely draining and taking care of a baby on top of all that too... Like the parents of any other newborn, we just want to adjust and settle into a good family routine; however, our routine is dictated by all of the outside factors.
This could just all be amplified right now, louder than usual and harder to deal with, as the baby had visits over the weekend to make up for lost time due to weather conditions...meaning the the rhythm we have been establish on the weekends when we don't have to worry about visits, workers, etc... was taken away this past weekend.
Please be praying for us!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Cubs/Music Monday
As a child of the 80's, and the (then) new cable TV (prior to ESPN being a really big deal) I grew up in the summers watching WGN from Chicago and the Cubs baseball games. I can still remember listening to Harry Carry and the 7th inning stretch.... What does any of this have to do with music?
WELL - Pearl Jam - One of my favorite bands - announced last week that it will be playing Wrigley Field in Chicago this summer, July 19th to be exact. So in honor of the Cubs and PJ, it would make me Smile to go to this show!
WELL - Pearl Jam - One of my favorite bands - announced last week that it will be playing Wrigley Field in Chicago this summer, July 19th to be exact. So in honor of the Cubs and PJ, it would make me Smile to go to this show!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Christmas Music Monday!
Last night some of the Jr. High girls were having a blast singing "The 12 Days of Christmas" ... oh the joys of Christmas tunes....
But I tend to be a little more indie/emo than the traditional songs...here is one band's take one this traditional classic...Taking Back Sunday's version of "12 Day of Christmas" enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
But I tend to be a little more indie/emo than the traditional songs...here is one band's take one this traditional classic...Taking Back Sunday's version of "12 Day of Christmas" enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Why today?
I need help, prayer actually! I hate this situation...I can't see which way to go and how to make this work! Why today, what should I do now? How will this affect those around me? This decision will stink no matter which way it ends up going!
This breaks my heart!
I know this is very vague and I apolgize...but others are involved...just pray!
This breaks my heart!
I know this is very vague and I apolgize...but others are involved...just pray!
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