So... there is one more goal I have for this year, and I have been remiss to speak about this one for a long time. I have had in my head for a long time the idea/concept for a short film based on the music of Pearl Jam. In fact it has been marinating for the better part of a decade. So why the hesitenty to talk about this one... or to even put pen to paper to finish it, Now that I think would make an interesting blog post. I think it boils down to three reasons; in no particular order.....
A lack of confidence, sacred vs. secular, and motivation....
A lack of confidence is odd for me, in fact one of my top 5 Gallup strengths is self-assurance. I have written hundreds of dramas, scripts, and performance pieces. I love drama and creativity, so you think that a lack of confidence would never be a problem, well....(here come the excuses) I have never written a script for a film before, what if it stinks, what if you do it all wrong, what if someone else reads it and says this is awful. If''ing my way to paralysis and never getting anywhere than a thought....
Sacred vs secular is harder. I love Pearl Jam's music, I have since I first discovered it, so full of emotion and felling, well told stories that I related to in ways I could always understand... they seemed to give me a voice that I did not know how to convey as a young, scared, and fragile man full of dysfunction. I got them. But the first time I was aware of problem was when I happened to wear a Pearl Jam tee (not uncommon for a 19 year old version of me) to a pre-marital counseling session for Renee and I, the person from the church we were meeting with was very disappointed that I listened to that kind of music and told me "garbage in, garbage out" which in hindsight seems to contradict some of Jesus' teachings but the message was clear - you cannot listen to this type of music if you are going to follow Jesus. While I now see the folly in this theology, it is still a hotly contested topic in evangelical circles. There is no shortage of well-intentioned brothers and sisters who will tell you exactly what you should or more importantly what you should NOT listen, read, watch, play, or wear. Mostly these are personal convictions that they put on others in the form of judgment while making themselves feel better. If that sounds like legalism ... it is! God's Spirit has not convicted me while listening to Pearl Jam, if that would happen I would stop, there are certain artist I will not support, games I will not play, movies I will not watch but that is all between God and me.
Finally motivation, but maybe not like you would think. If I sat down to write this out... I would want to see it through. It would not be okay enough for me to just write it out...I would want to take that script and see it to completion, I would want to take that idea and see it come to life. I would want to spend time with people I know (who also love film) and try my best to see this made. I would have to figure out how to get a hold of the band and see if they would 1. let me use their music and 2. how to get it made.... all of that seems very complicated to me, which generally moves me back to the question of confidence.
Here's to this year, to seeing this project done.
No comments:
Post a Comment