Voice
You chose to ride
your glass dragon
Filled with a huff
and puff
In a cloud of smoke my life was upended
As if termites;
eating at the foundation of
My life everything I
know is
Lost and condemned
Days 1-5 are hard to
remember
Flashes of emotions;
red black and yellow
Like watching a
movie, I am living someone else’s life
This isn’t my bed; I
can’t get comfortable it’s too soft
Like sleeping inside
of a pillow
I can’t find a
position where I can breathe
Day 9 - I start to
wake from the haze of the last week
The vacation is over
and I know that I am not going home
But I got to see
you, and I hoped
Maybe you could
explain this to me or apologize
Or make it all
better like when you would kiss the
Boo-boo on my knee,
somehow that magic you shared
Is gone… WHY!!!????
Day 23 and a half - I
am being smothered
Like a bug smashed
under a tissue or wearing a sweater
In the middle of the
hottest summer day or walking a mile
In shoes that are a
size too small, they are really nice
But why do they keep
looking at me like that
Why would they care
about me when you couldn’t?
I need to find a way
to grasp onto some control
Day 41 – finally
something makes sense and I have
Found a way to see
something predictable
When I claw, bite,
and fight I see the
Tears I was so used
to seeing between you and dad
Only this time I say
when they get to come
And making them
appear can be so much
Control …
predictable…
Day 87 –They are
still here and you are gone
I am not even sure I
want to see you ever again
But it's Thursday; I'll get picked up in the van
I hate it! It is
dirty and stained. You can
Smell the tears of
the other kids forced to ride it
Some going home;
others crying as they are ripped away
Day 103 - They took
me to church and for the first time I heard
I was told that I am
cared for and loved
By a God who creates
and cares for all He makes,
Yet somehow I don’t
feel like a masterpiece, that’s not me
I am paint by numbers
with colors that don’t match right
Cheap and distorted
… trash
Day 188 – This room
smells
Oder as thick as the
wooden bench and tables
Why are we here,
when I see you I am not sure what to feel?
I want to go home,
but I remember the hurt
You instilled.
Mostly how you just didn’t
Care I was hungry,
dirty, and scared… I just want to feel safe
Day 235 – I hate my
birthday!
They tried so hard
to make it special and it was
I had spaghetti and
meatballs and I even got a cake
It was too much
attention… then you didn’t show up
All I wanted was to
see you these stupid presents
They could have
saved their money the cracking
And shattering of
the plastic as I twist
Smash and break
feels like my heart…where were you!
Day 276 - I am done
crying
Done feeling like I
have betrayed you
Done feeling like
this isn’t my home
My bed is now sunk
in in the parts I like
My impression is
left in the sheets when I wake up
This is my new
normal
Day 365 – Has it
been a year?
Memories orbiting
back in; of the night when
All gravity ceased
to exist
The world got turned
upside down and
A supernova
explosion left nothing but chaos
And despair….
Day 400 - The church
again…this time
Something even more
extraordinary:
So he decided long
ago to adopt us as his children.
He did it because of
what Jesus Christ has done.
It pleased God to do it.
All those things bring praise to his glorious
grace.
God freely gave us
his grace because of the One he loves.
Can he really mean me?
Day 462 – This is
over… I am never going home
It not like that is
even home anymore
The shot of the
gavel ringing out
Cannot even be heard
over the
Final piece of my
heart that breaks
For what we once
were… family
What does this all
mean now?
Day 515 or Day 1 – Another
gavel shot
This one rings with
a different tune
Family has been redefined
and renewed
MY MOM quotes
I prayed for this child.
The Lord has given
me what I asked him for.
So now I’m giving
him to the Lord.
As long as he lives
he’ll be given to the Lord.”
And all of them
worshiped the Lord there.
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